Permission Slip: Ranking Britain’s Most Beloved ‘Cheeky’ Excuses

There are few words in the British lexicon that work harder than ‘cheeky’. It is a prefix, a permission slip, a get-out-of-jail card and — on a Friday afternoon — a full lifestyle philosophy. You can have a cheeky pint, a cheeky Nando’s, a cheeky day off, a cheeky biscuit, a cheeky nap, a cheeky takeaway and, if you’re feeling reckless, a cheeky second cheeky pint. At some point, the word stopped describing mischief and started describing everything short of a mortgage application.

Here at The Cheekie Monkey, we felt it was our duty to interrogate this national treasure. So we’ve devised the Cheekie Index 2026: a totally unscientific, wildly subjective and unnecessarily detailed ranking of Britain’s most beloved cheeky excuses. There are no controls, no peer review and absolutely no shame. There is, however, a wooden spoon.

The Method (There Isn’t One)

We began with a simple question: when does ‘cheeky’ add genuine joy, and when is it just a verbal tic? To find out, we scored each phrase on four deeply made-up metrics:

• Permission Factor: how much naughtiness the word smuggles in.
• Britishness: how likely it is to be said while queuing.
• Repeatability: whether you can say it twice without sounding unhinged.
• Biscuit Adjacency: a precise scientific measure of how well it pairs with a Hobnob.

We then invited readers to nominate their own cheeky habits. We received 412 responses, 37 of which simply said ‘cheeky pint’ and one of which was a 600-word essay about a cheeky extension on a conservatory. We respect the commitment.

The Contenders, Ranked

10. The cheeky mid-afternoon biscuit. A classic. The word does a lot of heavy lifting here, transforming an ordinary biscuit into a tiny rebellion. Score: 7/10. Loses points because a biscuit cannot really be cheeky; it can only be eaten.

9. The cheeky day off. The cheeky day off is the corporate equivalent of a wink. You’re not ill, you’re not on holiday, you’re just… not there. The word ‘cheeky’ is the difference between skiving and a lifestyle choice. Score: 8/10.

8. The cheeky Nando’s. A phrase so powerful it once threatened to break the internet. In 2026, it remains the go-to description for a medium-spice chicken-based outing with mates. Score: 8.5/10. Deducted half a point for the people who say it in a fake accent.

7. The cheeky pint. The undisputed king of Friday afternoon. A cheeky pint is not a session; it’s a suggestion. It’s the word that lets you order a beer at 4:58pm without admitting you’ve given up on the day. Score: 9/10.

6. The cheeky nap. Dangerous territory. A cheeky nap can be twenty minutes or three hours, and the word ‘cheeky’ is doing a lot of work to disguise the latter. Score: 6/10. High risk of waking up confused and calling it ‘a power nap’.

5. The cheeky takeaway. The cheeky takeaway is the culinary equivalent of a shrug. It says: I could cook, but I have chosen not to, and I’d like to be congratulated for my honesty. Score: 8/10.

4. The cheeky half. A cheeky half is a pint’s shy cousin. It’s what you order when you want to seem sensible but still want a drink. Score: 7/10.

3. The cheeky lie-in. The cheeky lie-in is a weekend institution. It’s not laziness; it’s a strategic recharging session. The word ‘cheeky’ makes it feel like a treat rather than a failure to launch. Score: 8/10.

2. The cheeky text. Sent at 11pm to someone you fancy. The ‘cheeky’ prefix is the only thing standing between you and a restraining order. Score: 6.5/10.

1. The cheeky second cheeky. This is where the word eats itself. A cheeky second pint, a cheeky extra biscuit, a cheeky one-more-episode. The prefix has become a recursive permission slip. Score: 9.5/10. It is the most overworked use of the word and, somehow, the most beloved.

The Cheek-o-Meter Test

To separate the wheat from the chaff, we devised a simple test. Say the phrase out loud in a British kitchen. If it makes you smile, it scores a point. If it makes you feel mildly embarrassed, it scores two. If it makes you reach for a biscuit, it scores three.

The phrase ‘cheeky salad’ scored zero and was escorted from the building. ‘Cheeky mortgage payment’ scored minus five. ‘Cheeky funeral’ was not tested for legal reasons.

Reader Nominations: The Cheekiest Excuse of All

Our readers delivered. One nominated ‘the cheeky extension on the shed’, which we’re still trying to picture. Another suggested ‘the cheeky Friday afternoon off that becomes a cheeky Monday morning off’. A third simply wrote ‘cheeky cheese’ and refused to elaborate. We have made it our mission to find out what that means.

But the most popular nomination was the cheeky pint, closely followed by the cheeky Nando’s. It seems that when it comes to the cheeky index, the classics endure.

The Winner (and the Wooden Spoon)

After much deliberation, the Cheekie Index 2026 crown goes to… the cheeky pint. It’s the phrase that launched a thousand Friday afternoons, the word that turns a quick drink into a lifestyle, and the only excuse that works equally well at 12pm and 8pm.

The wooden spoon goes to ‘cheeky salad’. It’s not cheeky, it’s just leaves. And frankly, it knows what it did.

The Cheekie Conclusion

‘Cheeky’ is not just a word; it’s a national coping mechanism. It’s the linguistic equivalent of a raised eyebrow and a biscuit. It lets us be a bit naughty without ever being actually naughty, and it makes the mundane feel like a minor caper. In 2026, we’re officially overworking it, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

So go on. Have a cheeky read of something else. Have a cheeky biscuit. Have a cheeky lie-in. Just don’t have a cheeky salad. There are limits.